Showing posts with label LIFESTYLE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIFESTYLE. Show all posts

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

WORDS FROM A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER ABOUT MARRIAGE – BY CHM11


1. The wife that wins all arguments with her husband is not wise. The home is not a law
court.

2. The wife that uses sex as a weapon in the home - placing embargo, going to bed in jeans shorts and
trousers -lacks wisdom.

3. The wife that uses the modern trends and laws of "women's rights" to insult or ridicule her husband simply makes a fool of herself.

4. A woman that makes her home devoid of peace
through bickering, nagging and quarrels needs help.
A man should be eager to run away from office to be at home, for that should be the safest and closest place on earth for him.

5. Modern-day equality in marriage does not mean competition, It simply means partnership. Taking advantage of such equality to turn around and become the defacto head of the home and oppress the man is tantamount to playing with fire. If you destroy your home, soon you will be the boss of an empty home.

6. A wise wife makes the man feel so good that he
assumes that he is the head. Once he gets that
feeling, the woman gently wields her power and the head actually turns to wherever the neck wants without a protest.

7. A wife that does not pull herself away from
friends' influence and advice or even from the
control of her mother and father will have herself to blame.









8. When a man is looking for a wife, he bypasses
women of different shapes and sizes to choose a wife But soon after childbirth, many women hide under the excuse of childbirth to let go of themselves. Many stop bothering about their looks,shape, dressing, etc.
Within 5 years of marriage, people start wondering if the wife is the man's aunt, even though she is 7 years younger. Her defence is that if he truly loves her, he should love her the way she is but when looking for a wife, he saw people like the present YOU and ignored them and settled for the former YOU. Today, you go to bed smelling of onions.... You go to bed wearing grandmothers' clothes. Why are you playing with your marriage? Love is not about looks - we know But looks enhances love and marriage There is a difference between someone disfiguring herself and the person being disfigured by an accident. Please don't be complacent. As hard as it may be, work on looking like you were when he first saw you and began the chase.

9. If every night you are tired, sleepy, sore, down
with headache or fever, "not in the mood," you are a joker, a serious comedian!

10. If your children suddenly become more
important to you than your husband, you need
prayers.

11. If you assume that as the woman, only you need to be pampered and fussed over while the man is a stone that has no emotions, you need to be pitied.

12. A woman that has the mind of a wife does not
excite her husband. Wives are usually complacent
and presumptuous. A wife must strive to have the mind of a girlfriend, A girlfriend is always nicer, sweeter, more loving and always thinking of ways to wow her sweetheart; a girlfriend does not try to win all arguments, does not call the man a "useless man", is not careless about her looks or dressing, always smiles and laughs with the man, sends the man sweet
messages and calls, etc. Are you your husband's
girlfriend in word and in deed?

LASTLY, DO NOT INFORM ME OF YOUR QUARRELS, I DIDN’T JOIN YOU TOGETHER, GOD DID, GO AND
INFORM HIM AND HE WILL SORT YOU OUT.
 


GOD BLESS 

Saturday, 4 July 2015

WHEN NOT TO SHARE GRACE



Efe was eighteen years old when I met her for the first time while traveling on a bus to Lokoja North Central, Nigeria. She had bright eyes and was full of life but deep beneath the light skin and radiant face was a story of pain, bitterness and love.

On a visit to her house few years ago, I noticed an unusual tattoo on her wrist that got me curious and I asked “wetin de your hand sef” (what’s that on your hand?) And she replied “It’s a long story and I don’t want to talk about it anymore” as she opened the fridge at the corner of the living room.
As I settled down into the soft leather sofa with a glass of orange juice in front of me, Efe emerged from the kitchen, walked straight to me and asked why I was interested on the scorpion tattooed to her wrist and I simply told her I was scared of people with tattoos, she smiled and said “finish your drink and I will tell you everything”.
“About ten years ago after the death of my father, my mother took me to Aunty Evelyn her cousin in Gusau, Zamfara state, North West Nigeria. I was about 12 years old. Madam as Aunty Evelyn was called treated me very well; she changed my cloths and enrolled me at a private school few meters away from her house. My joy knew no bounds as I quickly settled into my new environment.
Aunty had a very big restaurant where she sold food and alcohol. The business was booming, and the men who came to eat or drink at our place will often give us money. Our restaurant was well organized, everyone of the over 20 girls knew what was expected of each of them, apart from the occasional girl quarrel everything was perfect, until the State Government
introduce the Sharia legal system (Islamic law).

The system brought about a sudden shut down of all premises where alcohol was sold. The alcohol business was the livewire of our restaurant; its ban completely crippled our business. For several months, we watched as our once bustling restaurant and bar became a warehouse for chairs and tables while Aunty became increasingly hostile as her business fortune dwindled.

One Friday afternoon, Aunty summoned a meeting and informed everyone that she was leaving town and closing the restaurant for good, this did not come to me as a surprise as I had previously heard her discussing with a lady over the phone about her plans to relocate.

Forty eight hours later, Aunty instructed the girls to pack, selecting twelve of them to make the trip with us while others returned to their families.
Fourteen of us including aunty left the city that night aboard a Mercedes 911 truck which carried all our belongings and headed for the garden city of Port Harcourt South of Nigeria. After a long
tortuous journey, we finally arrived a city bustling with life and littered with expatriate oil workers who had lots of petro dollars,

Aunty had secured the perfect environment to re-launch her
businesses I said to myself. Two days after our arrival, our sleep was disrupted by a loud bang
on our door, it was about 2 am in the morning and we were terrified, but our fear soon gave way as we heard the voice of Aunty

Evelyn asking all the girls to move to her room. As we stepped into her room, the sight of a middle aged woman in white cloth seating over a big black pot sent further shock waves down our spines. On noticing the fear on our faces, Aunty quickly calmed our nerves by introducing us one after the other to the lady who immediately proceeded with the ceremony.

One after the other, the girls took turn to swear the oath of allegiance to Aunty and Ohe, the goddess of the night. The consequence of violating the oath was slow and painful death.
When I woke up that morning, I realized my legs were swollen;my body was probably reacting to the concoction we had taken the previous night before the scorpion was tattooed to our wrists.

Nevertheless, I soon joined the girls to entertain the white men who had visited our lodge to welcome us to the city. The white men had lots of dollars, and always lavished gifts and money on any girl who goes the extra mile to satisfy their lust. As the years rolled by we slept with men of all shades and characters, remitting eighty percent of our proceeds to Aunty. The oil workers ensured we lacked nothing. Life was good or so we thought, until
Mene died.

Mene was my best friend, she had been sick for two days and suddenly died on the third, we had all expected her to pull through, but she never did.

Aunty did not allow us mourn as Mene was quickly buried at a nearby bush and life continued as if nothing had happened. It was Mene’s death that pushed me into deep reflections; I became
Lonely and depressed as I pondered over what had happened. Mene had disagreed with Aunty a few days earlier over the fees we remit. Could aunty have murdered my best friend? As wild thoughts ran through my mind, I started planning my escape, and with every passing day I dreamt of the day when I will be free from the clutches of the Ohe deity.

As I made my plans, I realized I would need some help if my dream was to become a reality, so I shared my plot with a fellow roommate Ada, who made me believe she also wanted out only to reveal my plans to Aunty.
I was in the market, buying food stuffs for the lodge when I received a text message from Ovie Aunty Evelyn’s former boyfriend that Ada had revealed my escape plans to Aunty. Straight up I knew I had to activate my plan ahead of schedule, going back to the lodge was not an option.
Armed with the money to buy food stuffs, I headed for the motor park. That day was the last time I saw Aunty.
I boarded a vehicle heading to Abuja Nigeria’s capital city. The journey was very smooth and we arrived Abuja some few minutes before midnight. As other passengers disappeared into the darkness I searched for a spot where I could lay my head till the next day.

As the cockcrow signaled the birth of a new day, I moved round the park in a bid to get familiar with my new environment which was already bustling with life as tea sellers and restaurants light up their fire place to prepare for the day’s business. As I moved round I stumbled on an advert at a restaurant within the park which read, Sales girl wanted; apply in person. That was my perfect opportunity, I applied immediately and started work same
day.
As night falls and the once bustling motor park goes quiet I and other workers spread our mats on the floor of the restaurant which also served as our bedroom at night. My new madam was kind tome and her business prospered under my watch. I never knew my HIV status until Victor proposed to me and we had to do some laboratory test as a pre requisite for the announcement of our wedding banns at our local church. Despite the fact that the result came back positive, Victor still went ahead and married me and today I have a son for him who is HIV negative, we received extensive counseling at the clinic when I tested positive and continued to receive support even after the birth of my son. Victor, my husband knew all I had gone through and was wiling to support me all through.

Today, I have my own restaurant, a bundle of joy as a son and a wonderful, caring and understanding husband. Heaven has been kind to me, Oche” As I left her apartment that evening, I recall the words of my mathematics teacher, Mr Rene, who said “every problem has a solution”


WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT SURE OF YOUR HIV STATUS



WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT
SURE OF YOUR HIV STATUS
Globally 9 out ten infected people do not know they carry the virus, this is disturbing because early detection in most cases is the difference between life and death.
                         The first question an individual must ask his or her self is:
Ø  What is my HIV status?
Ø  my previous status was negative, have I engaged in any risky behavior that could compromise my initial status?
Nearly everyone I know was afraid of the outcome on their first HIV test result, so if you are feeling scared, it is completely normal and not out of place. Knowing your HIV status is very important as it helps you to make the correct decisions about your life.
Another critical question is

Ø  When should I get tested?
Most people get tested for the very first time when they are about to get married, this is wrong! There is no guarantee that the results that came back negative before the wedding will not change after the six months window period. It is important for partners willing to pursue a relationship to discuss their HIV status before committing to the relationship.
Regular testing is a necessity for individuals having unprotected sex and for persons with multiple sexual partners.
So when you are not sure of your HIV status, the most intelligent thing to do is to walk into a testing Centre and get yourself tested.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TEST
RESULT IS POSITIVE
A HIV positive test result is not a death sentence, many HIV carriers are alive and doing very well decades after they tested positive. Advances in medical science has ensured that HIV positive individuals live a normal life as much as possible.
Most test centres have trained and qualified counsellors who will guide the individual on appropriate lifestyle changes to make where necessary.
Networking among HIV positive individuals have been shown to positively affect the lives of HIV carriers, these networking programmes have not only improved the quality of life among people living with HIV, it has also boosted self-determination and personal development of people living with the virus. Therefore getting involved with the activities of these groups will be highly beneficial to anyone who tested positive.

Taking drastic decision after testing positive can have devastating effects; it is therefore advised that persons who tested positive seek counsel before making major lifestyle changes.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TEST
RESULT IS NEGATIVE
When the result of a HIV test is negative, it is usually advised that the individual returns after some months for a repeat test. A repeat test is carried out to confirm the result of the initial test. The period between infection and the detection of antibodies within the blood stream is usually referred to as the Window period. During this period antibodies against the HIV virus are not detectable as such the test are usually negative.
A negative result after a confirmatory test does not mean the individual is immune to the virus, it only confirms the fact that the individual is not infected with the virus.Persons who tested negative should note that, it is their responsibility to ensure that they remain negative, as allowing any slip could be deadly. To remain negative you will find the following steps helpful
Ø  Avoid unprotected sex (Vaginal, Oral or Anal)
Ø  Avoid multiple sexual partners
Ø  Avoid injecting drug and illicit substances
Ø  Avoid contaminated sharp objects
Ø  Stay faithful to your partner
Ø  Go for medical checkup regularly
Ø  Discuss HIV before committing to a relationship
Ø  Seek counsel whenever in doubt about any issue.

Any information at your disposal that is not used is useless; it is our collective responsibility to ensure an AIDS free world.
Quote:
We all do better when we work together. Our differences do matter, but our common humanity matters more - Bill Clinton


HIV TEST, VCR, VCCT SEX, VIRGINITY, PROSTITUTION, TEENAGE PREGNANCY, TEENS, HUSBAND, WIFE HIV, HIVAIDS, PEACEKEEPING , NIGERIA , BENUE, SEX EDUCATION